Epic Quotes: "Furt" Edition

Here are the best quotes of the episode (in no particular order)!

Kurt: "My Power Rangers got married and divorced in so many combinations they were like Fleetwood Mac."

Doris Sylvester: "Marcia, I'll bet people say you look mannish but you know something, I think it's perfectly alright for a woman to be handsome."

Doris to Sue: "She's a perfectly okay child. She'll grow into her looks and you know what, I believe you still might."

Brittany to Tina about Artie: "When you guys fooled around would he just sorta lay there?"

Sue: "By the power invested in me by a website, I now pronounce you Sue and Sue. You may now kiss yourself."

More epic quotes from all the episodes this season to come!

How Many Times has Lindsay Lohan Been to Rehab?

To answer the question, I think about five.
Just sayin'.

Anyway, those of you who watched Glee the other night know that when Holly Holiday (Gwyneth Paltrow) was substitute teaching the Spanish class, she began asking questions about Lindsay Lohan in Spanish to connect with the class.


Thank you to Perezhilton.com for the picture.

She asked:

"Lindsay Lohan is totally crazy, right?…How many times has Lindsay Lohan been to rehab?"

Well according to PerezHilton.com, the Lohans thought the joke was "tasteless" and Dina Lohan apparently responded with saying "shame on them."

Do you think the Glee team was out of line with the jokes? Did you consider it "tasteless"?

I don't know about you, but I thought the jokes were harmless and if a certain somebody, cough, Lindsay Lohan, cough, doesn't want people saying "tasteless" jokes about her, then maybe she shouldn't be putting herself in those situations.

Epic Quotes:The Audition Edition

Here is my list of favorite quotes from the season premiere of Glee. I hope that you will enjoy them as much as I did. I'm going to attempt an "Epic Quotes" list for every episode, so check back next week for more!

"I try to do something for everybody... 25 percent show tunes, 25 percent hip hop, 25 percent classic rock.." - Will Schuester
"100 percent gay!" - Jacob

"My eyes are up here, Jew-fro." - Santana

"People thought I went on vacation, but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers." - Brittany

"Because we're both Asian? That's racist." - Tina

"When exactly did you ink your sponsorship with Land's End?" -Jacob

"When are you slated to make your triumphant return to the Shire?" - Jacob

"I think you can manage a sixth National title without two confetti cannons." - Principal Figgins
"You think your kids can imagine life without their daddy?" - Sue

"B-E-I-S-T-E. It's French." - Coach Beiste

"First of all, a female football coach is like a male nurse. Sin against nature." - Sue

"Do not get up in the panther's business, lady. You're all coffee and no omelet." - Coach Beiste

"I would've jumped in with a kick ass harmony, but the dude was naked." - Finn

"SHUT UP!" - Sue

"They fell in love over the summer at Asian camp." - Artie

"You ignored me for weeks this summer." - Tina
"I was playing a marathon round of Halo, woman!" - Artie

"Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?" - Puck
"I don't know, I've never had any balls in my mouth.. have you?" - Sam

"Are you crying?" - Finn
"Yeah, I saw your stats from last season, and it really hurt my feelings." - Coach Beiste

"Now take your juicy, vine-ripened chest fruit, and get the hell out of my office." - Sue

"Stop the violence." - Brittany

"I made it up. Coach Beiste didn't touch my boobs. Actually, I really want to touch her boobs." - Brittany

"Are you turning on me? In public??" - Sue


The whole episode was completely filled with hilarity. I tried to get all the best quotes, but leave a comment if you think I missed anything particularly amazing!

Epic Quotes: The Brittany Edition

When Glee came back a few weeks ago, I was reminded of just how hilarious everything that comes out of Brittany's mouth is. So, I decided to make a list of all of my favorite quotes from her. It will be an ongoing list, and fan input via comment or e-mail is highly encouraged and welcome! If enough people participate and like this idea, we will do more "Epic Quotes" lists for some of the other Glee characters in the future.

• "Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?"
• "When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist."
• "I think my cat's been reading my diary."
• "I find recipes confusing."
• "A male duck." (when asked what a ballad was)

(This post is in progress! Refresh soon for updates.)

Madonna to the Teenth Power

I had high hopes for the latest episode from the brains of Ryan Murphy, entitled "The Power of Madonna."  After being disappointed by "Hello," I was looking forward to this mammoth episode.  Ten Madonna songs in one hour?  And they said it couldn't be done!

But, it still wasn't satisfying.  It was a one-off episode--not really furthering the story lines to which I have been waiting FOUR MONTHS to find out the resolutions.  Are Puck and Quinn together?  How is Terri feeling about this whole divorce thing?  Where is Quinn living?  What happened to Sue in Boca?  I'm just not getting any backstory here, only...well...front-story.

Remembering The Start of Glee: The Pilot

One of our contributing writers (who isn't on the staff page yet) wrote up her opinion on the Pilot of Glee.  With not a lot of news going on and still counting down until Glee's return in April, we hope that this article will help you remember how you felt when Glee began.  Enjoy!

Glee Pilot Rant & Review
By Sarina C.

After what felt like fifty years, the first episode of Glee finally aired! It did not disappoint. Now it's one of my must see shows.

Hey ladies, want to meet a man who’s chivalrous, has a respectable job and loves kids? Not to mention he’s just as fine as can be! I give you, Mr. Will Schuester. He’s the Spanish teacher/ former glee club member. Oh wait, he’s married to his obnoxious, materialistic wife Terri. Poor guy; rolling so contently onto the school parking lot with his muffler dragging. Dude must really love what he does because his salary clearly isn’t paying him well enough. On top of that, he’s doing detention for free just so he can stick around and do MORE WORK with the glee club? I have to say, I fell in love with him right away. He rescues poor Emma from a big nasty piece of chewing gum, (Her shoes in that scene were smokin’ hot!) and he’s working hard and willing to leave the job he loves in order to take care of the family he’s hoping to have someday. Oh, what a keeper! Fellas, take note: be like him.

#favoriteGLEEquotes

Our first Trending Topic Tuesday was a great success!  Thank you to everyone who twittered the day away with me recounting our favorite quotes from the greatest show on TV.  Read on to see what some of people's favorite were.

@squinkee:
"I'm very young, and it's hard for you to stand close to me."
- Rachel Berry

@jjones103:
"It was a message from God, Rachel was a hot Jew and the good Lord wanted me to get in her pants." -Noah Puckerman (this was a favorite of @mysteriousways also!)

@contemperjazz10:
"That wheelchair kid's right.  That Rachel chick makes me want to light myself on fire but she can sing."
- Noah Puckerman

@Amaknitter:
"Who is Josh Groban? Kill yourself!  He is an angel sent down from the heavens to deliver platinum albums unto us."
- Sandy Ryerson

@layluhh94:
"I don't trust a man with curly hair."
- Sue Sylverster

@juneroseee321:
"Your commitment to football is about as long as your pants."
- Will Shuester

And in case you're wondering what my favorite Glee quote is...

"If I don't have that set list hot off the laminator by 5 PM I will go to the animal shelter and buy you a kitty cat.  I will make you fall in love with that kitty cat.  And then, on some dark cold night, I will steal away in to your home and punch you in the face."
- Sue Sylvester

Thanks again for all the fun tweets.  Remember to follow me (@rachelk720) and GleeClubOnline (@GleeClubOnline) on Twitter for lots of fun updates.  Next week we'll have a new topic but we'll need some help thinking of one so please leave a comment on this post for some ideas.

Memorable Quotes From "Ballad"

Will: "Ballad. From Middle English, ballad... Who knows what this word means?"
Brittany: "It's a male duck."


Rachel: "Looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio show choir committee finally paid off!"


Puck: "I love the days when I don't wear underwear. Full commando!"


Finn: "I never noticed how nice Rachel's butt is.. oh crap, I think Quinn knows I'm staring at it."


Rachel: "Wow. I've never noticed this before because he's always trying to destroy my career, but Mr. Schue has really pretty eyes.. and really nice teeth. He's obviously invested in good oral hygiene, and that's important to me. It shows wonderful self esteem."


Will: "I don't like the way she's looking at me. Ugh, I shouldn't have sung this song to her. Crap! She looks crazy right now. I know this look..."


Rachel: "Ok, this is amazing. When I'm singing with him, it's like I'm seeing him for the first time, and what I'm seeing is super, super cute."


Quinn: "God I miss the firm support of my polyester Cheerios uniform. The control panel hid my baby bump perfectly."


Mr. Fabray: "Judy! Glenn Beck is on!"


Susie Pepper: "Peppers. So you can wear them and think of me, Susie Pepper."


Terri: "Listen you little psycho, this is Will's wife, and if I don't get enough sleep my anti-depressants won't work and then I'll go crazy and I'll kill you! Stop calling!"


Kurt: "Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and.. inappropriate."


Ms. Hudson: "Were you just singing to a sonogram?"
Finn: "Uh huh."


Kurt: "Your T-zone is dangerously dry."

Mr. Schuester: "So, Rachel, do you think you understood the message I was trying to get across with that ballad?"
Rachel: "Yes, it means I'm very young, and it's hard for you to stand close to me."


Kurt: "Your father didn't charge into the breach empty-handed. He had a weapon."
Finn: "You think I should bring a gun?"


Mercedes: "You need to get something through your mohawk real quick. You're the baby's daddy. It takes a hell of a lot more to be a father and that role's already been cast because Quinn chose Finn. You need to accept that and move on 'cause you have no business messing up that girl's life any more than you already have. You need to back off. You owe her at least that much."


Finn: "I have to go, they'll think I'm pooping."


Rachel: "I have nothing to say to you, Pepper. If you continue to stalk me, I'll press charges!"


Finn: "Is there a cake?"

Memorable Quotes From "Pilot"

Rachel: I won my first dance competition when I was three months old.

Emma: Since when are cheerleaders performers?

Sue: Your resentment is delicious.

Mercedes: Oh, HELL to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singin' nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland.

Sue: You think this is hard? I have hepatitis. That's hard!

Memorable Quotes From "Showmance"

Sue: That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.

Will: Hold on a second, Sue.
Sue: I resent being told to hold on to anything.

Kurt: They're gonna throw fruit at us. And I just had a facial.

Sue: Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.
Will: I don't menstruate.
Sue: Neither do I.

Memorable Quotes From "Acafellas"

Puck: Dude, my bowels have better moves than you.

Sue: I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office.

Sue: I want my full budget restored. I want a fog machine.

Emma: They say it takes more certainty than talent to be a star. Just look at John Stamos.

Memorable Quotes From "Preggers"

Sue: I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.'

Sue: Not everyone is gonna have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance. But I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage.

Kurt: My body is like a rum chocolate souffle. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise.

Sue: I got a satellite interview. That's lingo for an interview, via satellite.

Sue: Caning works! And I think it's about time we did a little more of it right here... yes, we cane!

Kendra: Dishonesty is food to the marriage. It will die without it.

Memorable Quotes From "Vitamin D"

Rachel: I'm sorry for calling you contemptible and deplorable.
Finn: That's okay. I didn't even know what those words meant.

Ken: I know our relationship isn't perfect... you cried that one time my elbow rubbed your breast.

Sue: I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.

Emma: You’ve got a little mustard in your cute Kirk Douglas chin dimple.

Terri: I'm the new school nurse.
Will: But you don't have any training.
Terri: Please, Will, it's a public school.

Memorable Quotes From "The Rhodes Not Taken"

Rachel: Yes, I am back in glee club. In lieu of flowers, please send all donations to a socially conscious charity of your choice.

Puck: That Rachel chick makes me wanna light myself on fire, but she can sing.

Kurt: Can we please talk about the giant elephant in the room?
Cheerleader: Your sexuality?

Memorable Quotes From "Throwdown"

Sue: I can't stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion.

Finn: I came up with the best baby name of all-time: Drizzle.

Sue: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.

Sue: I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.

Sue: I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.

Sue: I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me.

Mercedes: Can we try something a little more black?
Rachel: It's glee club. Not crunk club.

Memorable Quotes From "Mashup"

Sue: I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.

Emma: Ken has convinced me we need to at least be in the same room when the marriage is certified.
Ken: What can I say? I'm a traditionalist.

Memorable Quotes From "Wheels"

Artie: I wanna be very clear: I still have the use of my penis.

Sue: [Ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.

Quinn: I don't care if my baby comes out with a mohawk, I will go to my grave swearing it's Finn's.
Puck: It would be pretty awesome if it came out with a mohawk.