Memorable Quotes From "Ballad"

Will: "Ballad. From Middle English, ballad... Who knows what this word means?"
Brittany: "It's a male duck."


Rachel: "Looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio show choir committee finally paid off!"


Puck: "I love the days when I don't wear underwear. Full commando!"


Finn: "I never noticed how nice Rachel's butt is.. oh crap, I think Quinn knows I'm staring at it."


Rachel: "Wow. I've never noticed this before because he's always trying to destroy my career, but Mr. Schue has really pretty eyes.. and really nice teeth. He's obviously invested in good oral hygiene, and that's important to me. It shows wonderful self esteem."


Will: "I don't like the way she's looking at me. Ugh, I shouldn't have sung this song to her. Crap! She looks crazy right now. I know this look..."


Rachel: "Ok, this is amazing. When I'm singing with him, it's like I'm seeing him for the first time, and what I'm seeing is super, super cute."


Quinn: "God I miss the firm support of my polyester Cheerios uniform. The control panel hid my baby bump perfectly."


Mr. Fabray: "Judy! Glenn Beck is on!"


Susie Pepper: "Peppers. So you can wear them and think of me, Susie Pepper."


Terri: "Listen you little psycho, this is Will's wife, and if I don't get enough sleep my anti-depressants won't work and then I'll go crazy and I'll kill you! Stop calling!"


Kurt: "Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and.. inappropriate."


Ms. Hudson: "Were you just singing to a sonogram?"
Finn: "Uh huh."


Kurt: "Your T-zone is dangerously dry."

Mr. Schuester: "So, Rachel, do you think you understood the message I was trying to get across with that ballad?"
Rachel: "Yes, it means I'm very young, and it's hard for you to stand close to me."


Kurt: "Your father didn't charge into the breach empty-handed. He had a weapon."
Finn: "You think I should bring a gun?"


Mercedes: "You need to get something through your mohawk real quick. You're the baby's daddy. It takes a hell of a lot more to be a father and that role's already been cast because Quinn chose Finn. You need to accept that and move on 'cause you have no business messing up that girl's life any more than you already have. You need to back off. You owe her at least that much."


Finn: "I have to go, they'll think I'm pooping."


Rachel: "I have nothing to say to you, Pepper. If you continue to stalk me, I'll press charges!"


Finn: "Is there a cake?"